...

They were not speaking. Ever since she found out.

He was sleeping one night and I could hear him have nightmares screaming that he doesn't want to feel the pain anymore.

I believe in second chances, even third or fourth because my God is a God of nth chances. I will never give up on people that easy, just as Jesus never gave up on me. Words were freed, feelings were continuously being held back but this can't be the end of it.

In Science I learned there are different types of color opacity: transparent when you can clearly see light through it, translucent when only some light is able to pass and opaque, when light can't pass through. At this point I feel like there is an opaque wall between today and what will be of tomorrow. I can only do as much as rely on the Lord's guidance to lead the way. I will never want to initiate a wrong move as much as my surrendered know-it-all being is concerned.

Everything is easier said than done. I feel like all the learning and divine intervention has led to this. This practical test, this application. I know that my God is sovereign. In 1 Cor 10:31 it says that He will only give us as much as we can handle.

There are peaceful nights, when I am completely certain that everything is a puzzle piece in His big perfect plan. I thank God for these nights, when I can sleep in the comfort of His promises that eventually this will be a wonderful part of my testimony when I see Him.

As human as I can be, there are raging nights I almost cannot handle. Nights when I outdo myself in the little game I like to call 'ugly crying to the Lord'. Tonight's one of those nights.

My feelings may change and my view may get a little distorted at times but my comfort is in this, that my God is love. James 1:2-4 says, 'Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3 because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. 4 Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.'